PROGRESS... of sorts (Part 11a)

For me, the surprises kept coming. As I came down the stairs the next morning I saw Elle pacing behind my car. She NEVER got up that early in the Summer. That, and the fact that she was pacing concerned me. Something had to be radically wrong. I ran down the path to meet her and before I even got to her I could see she was upset. I asked what was wrong and she just shook her head. It was obvious she wanted to see me but here I was and she wouldn't talk. I asked if she wanted to go for a walk and she nodded "yes". Walking the beach right after sunrise and with the bay just like a mirror was always a treat. I hadn't done it since I'd started working at the market and I thought the serenity of it would help the situation. We walked towards the East. All the homeowners had built groins from thier bulkheads down to the waters edge to try and control beach erosion. We had to climb over all of them and at each one I did get a peek of Elle's panties up the leg openings of her shorts but it didn't do anything for me. All I was interested in was what was going on in Elles' mind. The end of what we considered to be "our" beach was in front of the largest house in our community. It was truly a mansion with (from rumor) 10 to 12 bedrooms. In fact, to the locals, it was known as "The Mansion". The owners were from the Chicago area and used it (sparingly) as a Summer retreat. They owned approximately 1000 feet of beach front and the Easterly end was as far as we could walk without having to get wet. There was a flight of stairs up to a concrete gazebo at that point and as idyllic as that would've been we chose to stay on and by the stairs.

I sat down hoping that Elle would sit on my lap or at least next to me. She didn't. She started pacing again with the tips of the fingers of both hands tapping against each other. By now I was getting impatient. I was late for work and it was obvious that Elle still wasn't ready to talk. I think I said but one word... "please..." but I said it in a plaintive voice. It worked, and she finally started.

OK... Here's a bit of a disclaimer. She had a lot to say and a lot of it was emotional and somewhat disjointed. I had a hard time following a lot of it but what I'm about to write is basically what I took away from it. Of course, a lot of time has passed since then but, because Elle and I reminisced about it any number of times as our relationship grew, I feel it's fairly accurate.

It was really a continuation of where she was the night before. She was totally embarassed for having wet heself so many time in front of me and she was sure that it would turn me away from her. She was afraid that someday she was going to embarass me and she didn't want that to happen. She was apologizing because she couldn't control herself as well as she had been able to before and didn't know why. There was more, a lot more, but for this journal I'll leave it at that.

I tried to interrupt but she wouldn't let me. Finally, with tears flowing, she finally sat down on the step below me. I wanted to say so much but... I didn't want to say anything that would upset her even more. I was also afraid that if I didn't say anything that it would send the wrong message. So much pressure on an 18 year old! I rubbed her back between her shoulder blades and that seemed to calm her somewhat. I think the first thing I actually uttered was to ask if I could ask her a question. When she nodded "yes" I asked about what her doctor said about the wetting. She shrugged and said she didn't know but that her mother had told her that the doctor didn't know what he was talking about. (Another "aside' about her mother... As I mentioned in an earlier post, Elle's mother pretty much belived everything that her first employer had told her when she came to this country. For some unknown reason, that lady had a major distrust of doctors which, in turn, got passed on to Elle's mother. I also learned, much later, that Elle's mother was deathly afraid of the thought of any kind of surgery and, because of that, rejected any suggestions along those lines.) That kind of shocked me as my parents had complete confidence in the same doctor that Elle and her parents used. In any case, her allowing me to ask one question led me to ask some more. She seemed much calmer and didn't hesitate to answer. I learned that she'd pretty much avioded a lot of embarassment in school as she made sure she used a toilet after each class. Her biggest problem was with Phys Ed and athletics. In those cases it was mostly a case of "dribbles" and not a complete wetting. She'd learned that when she felt a bit wet from "dribbling" that she better head for a bathroom. In the school situation it had worked for her. But she also told me that it seemed that she now had less time from when the "dribbles" started until she couldn't hold on any longer and that REALLY bothered her. With us out "parking" in remote places that created a BIG problem, as it had the night before. I had to be very careful at this point because I'd suggested to her at least once that she just get out of the car, pull down her panties and pee. She'd rejected that suggestion and, although I liked the ultimate result of it, there, at that moment in time I was truly more interested in trying to resolve the current dilemma in her mind. I, again, suggested that she could just hide behind the car and I'd not "peek". (I have a smile on my face as I write this...) She turned around and looked directly at me and said something along the lines of "I can't do that! My mother would kill me!" And she was serious! I, of course, persued this thought. But, just as some people have phobias about all sorts of things that the majority of us can't fathom, her mother had driven the idea that she was not to get naked (her privates and breasts) in front of any man until she got married. I don't know what sort of expression I had on my face but if it was anything like the one on it now... :-) I know I had to "bite my tounge". But, in hindsight, it was perfect for me. Somewhere along the line I looked at my watch and suggested that we head back. I continued to ask questions and I can't remember any of them. I do know I asked her to tell me about what she considered her most embarassing situations (other than with me). The specifics don't really matter but it did serve to pass the time on the walk back. As it turned out it also got her discussing the subject freely. That was important because it indicated that she was comfortable with me. Maybe not to the point of taking her panties off with me around but that, combined with the fact that she would now strip down to her underwear while with me, was an incredibly good sign for me.

My mother was all over me when we got back. It was all about responsibility and committment and how I'd let my boss down. Elle, fortunately, had continued on down the beach past my house so didn't share in the tongue lashing I got. My boss was OK with it when I explained the situation. He liked Elle. I offered to give up my lunch hour and he accepted it. He did allow me time to go pick up Elle for her work and when I did I found her to be in a much better state of mind. That night, at the gas station, I got as much done on the racecar as I could before going to get Elle. I wanted to have as much time as possible be alone with her to make sure everything was back to "normal". By the time I finished up we had over an hour until "curfew". But Elle didn't want to go back to the "parking" place on the inlet. We ended up in the parking lot at the sailing club. There were a number of other cars there but it didn't matter as all Elle wanted to do was to be held by me. Since she didn't want to talk I took the lead. I'd had all day to think about what I wanted to tell her. Basically I told her that I really felt bad that her "problem" had gotten worse but that it (the "problem") didn't change anything about the way I felt about her. Because she was in my arms and facing the same direction as I was, I couldn't see her face and she didn't verbally respond. I was hoping for something... anything, in the way of an acknowlegement. It wasn't until I said I loved her that she did respond by getting up on her knees and then kissing me. We ended up going home soon afterwards. In bed it was another unsettled night of wondering exactly what was going on in Elle's mind but I did feel a lot more secure with the relationship between us.

To be continued...