WINTER... The bleakest time of year (Part 30c)

The next two weeks dragged. I pretty much kept up with my pledge to study hard and to try and get somewhat caught up. I called Elle on Wednesdays and Saturdays. We had a range of times for me to call where she would be somewhat near the phone when I called to save money. Elle never called me. So, when on the Tuesday before exams started I found a message on the ”bulletin board“ from her I was surprised. She pretty much knew what time the main meal was served at the fraternity and said she’d call back at that time. I couldn’t imagine why she’d be calling me since we’d talked on Saturday and we’d wished each other luck on our exams. The only thing i could think of was that she’d somehow gotten hurt. When my name was called I was ready. I gulped down what I had in my mouth and said ”hello”. The words I heard aged me by about 5 years.

“I think I’m pregnant!” Everything went numb. I have no idea what I said, if anything at all. As I’ve mentioned, the phone at the fraternity was in the coat closet. It was always “close” in there, especially if the coats were wet. All I can tell you was that the temperature in there went up about 20 degrees in a split second. My first words were probably like “Are you sure? When were you due? Have you told anybody?” I don’t know if I did or didn’t because I just don’t remember. Like I said, I was numb.

I will tell you this... never once did my thoughts waver from wanting to do the right thing. When I got off the phone I went into the living room and sat on the sofa facing the fireplace. The first thing I remember consciously thinking about was getting a job. In thinking about it later I amazed myself at how straight forward my thought process was on that subject. I didn’t think about telling my parents or getting married. I was thinking of where I could make enough money to support the two of us.

The first thought was to get a job with the horses. I knew my Grandfather had spoken to the man who trained his racehorses about me working for him during the Summer. I didn’t have his telephone number but knew I could get it from my Grandfather and that’s where I started.

I “fudged” the truth when talking to my Grandfather. The harder part was in talking to the trainer and asking for a job. I tried to think of what to say but wasn’t happy with anything I’d come up with so didn’t immediately call. I guess it was about then when I realized that Elle had no idea where I was coming from. After scrounging up some change for the phone gave her a call. After getting the sorority on the phone all I could get was that she wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t come to the phone. At this point I’d calmed down enough to reflect on what had just happened. I went for a walk down fraternity row and thought about what Elle and I had done over the Christmas holiday. Hindsight is always 20/20 is something my grandfather had said many times in my presence. It sure was true at this moment in time. I’ve mentioned that I was very naive when it came to sexual matters but I did know where babies came from and why. The first time that we’d had sex and I hadn’t pulled out, nothing happened. It had to have been the timing because Elle’s period followed soon afterwards. but, over the holidays we’d done it a number of times and, through our combined naivety, hadn’t figured out where she was in her cycle so just went blindly on not giving the possible consequences much thought.

There was no doubt in my mind that, no matter how difficult it would be for the two of us, we’d get married. Even with all the stress of the past few hours I felt somewhat excited about that prospect. By then I was cold so headed for my room. On my way there I thought about skipping the exam I had scheduled. I guess it was guilt from another source that made me change my mind.

As you would imagine, my thoughts were not on the exam. I got lucky as the focus of it happened to be on the material that I’d been reviewing. But, once it was over, my attention was on trying to reach Elle. Over the next two days I probably made six attempts to get to talk to her but was always told that she wasn’t in or was unavailable. Being a “thick”, dumb male, it didn’t dawn on me that that she was consciously trying to avoid me. That realization finally came on Friday. In spite of our “agreement” that we would wait until exams were over before seeing each other I decided that I had to go see her as soon as possible. With exams in full swing there wasn’t much activity as far as guys traveling to see their “steadies” which meant that it was a bus trip or nothing.

I remember the look of shock on Elle’s face as I walked into her sorority foyer. As luck would have it, she just happened to be there when I arrived. Almost as soon as she saw me I could see tears welling up in her eyes. She grabbed my hnad and started pulling me towards the door to the basement. As soon as we got to the bottom of the stairs she started crying uncontrollably. She hugged me so tightly that it hurt. I, of course, had no idea of what to say or do. I don’t know how long we stood there like that but we eventually ended up in the “game room”. We sat on the sofa, both of us right on the edge and facing each other. The first thing I said was “I love you”. That started the tears all over again. It didn’t last long though. I don’t remember the sequence of what we talked about but I do remember assuring her that I’d be there for her and was ready to do whatever I had to... and willingly. That was the key to the whole thing. She didn’t want to talk with me during the week because she thought that I might abandon her and that was something that she didn’t want to hear. Because of my “reaction” (or lack thereof) when she’d called with the news she became frightened that she would be left alone to figure out what to do. I could see from the look in her eyes that she was relieved that I’d come to see her and that she knew just where I stood.

To be continued...