A NEW YEAR... new beginnings? (PART 103d)

To say sleep didn’t come easy is putting it mildly. An extremely uncomfortable mattress and the experience with Stasia admitting to thinking of suicide made it almost impossible. I know I was in and out until I saw the first vestiges of light. When I got up I looked in on her and saw she was back in a semi fetal position but seemed to be breathing normally. Inez didn’t appear to be up so I put on my coat and headed outside. The snow had stopped along with the wind but it was still cold. The sky appeared to be clearing which was a good sign for the rest of the day. The path to the street that I’d cleared the previous day was mostly filled in again with snow so I shoveled it out. The street was relatively clear of snow so, with shovel in hand, headed for the bank to check on my station wagon. I was pleasantly surprised to find the parking lot had been cleared except for where I’d left the vehicle. At first blush it looked like a misshapen loaf of bread.

Without the wind it wasn’t all that bad as I shoveled the snow from around the wagon. Once I could get a door open I started it up and turned on the heater so I would have a place to get my hands warm. Once I cleared a pathway from in front of it I thought I was ”home free”. However, whoever had done the plowing piled the majority of the snow on the West side of the lot  and some of it had spilled back onto the asphalt. Without the ability to back up I could only go forward and when I did I found the radius of my turn had me running into a mound of snow. It meant more shoveling. 

My arms were tired by then and I was very hungry. I pretty much knew that all I’d get from Inez was more eggs so made the decision to walk down to the drug store to see if Judith had made it in to work. As I approached I saw her husband shoveling the snow from the sidewalk and lights on inside. It made me warm just knowing that I’d get some “real food” once inside.

It wasn’t even 8:30am and Judith wasn’t expecting any customers especially at that time. When she saw me she put on a big smile and ushered me in. She’d put coffee on for her husband and offered me some. Not a coffee drinker I welcomed anything warm. We chatted about the storm for a few minutes before I asked if she could make me a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches. I saw it on the menu on the wall behind her and for some strange reason it caused a craving. I didn’t know how to broach the subject of Stasia so told her of our experience with Inez. Judith didn’t really know her at all so much of my explanation went over her head. When I told her the part where we stayed overnight she rolled her eyes with a BIG smile to accompany it. However, it did give me the opening I needed to tell her about Stasia’s breakdown.

As I’ve previously written, Judith and I had discussed Stasia’s plight a number of times but didn’t have any ideas how to help her out of it. When I told her of Stasia’s thoughts on suicide her look turned deadly serious. I’d been exposed, at a distance, to two suicides in my life but had never met anyone that I, knowingly, had contemplated suicide. I was a bit shocked at Judith’s reaction. It was as if she didn’t believe me. That’s when I got a bit passionate, describing in detail what I saw and heard the night before. Judith let me go on for a bit before she came out from behind the counter and walked up right in front of me. Looking me right in the eye and only inches away she said “I’ve got to do something!”

I asked “What? and she said she had to think about it some more. I tried ”pushing“ but she wouldn’t budge. I didn’t have even an embryo of an idea. Soon after Judith told me that her husband walked in and she told me not to say anything. I thought that a bit strange because I’d never said anything more to her husband than a ”Hello“.
By then it was after 9am and I knew Inez would more than likely be up and wondering what had happened to me. As I walked past the bank and saw the station wagon with the front up against the pile of snow that was left after it had been plowed. I knew still had some more digging to go before I could be on my way  and I wasn't looking forward to it.

Stasia was in the kitchen with Inez and as I walked in got the tail end of a story that I’d heard the day before. I quickly turned down the offer of eggs from Inez and suggested that Stasia should be thinking of getting back to her aunt’s. I told her that I had about twenty minutes of shoveling to go and then we’d be on our way. I thanked Inez profusely for her hospitality and said I’d see her at work on Monday and left. I’d just finished with the snow when I saw Stasia approach. I could tell from the look on her face that she wasn’t happy. I even had a perverse thought that she might’ve preferred to stay with Inez.

Driving Stasia to the farm I couldn’t help but marvel at all the snow. I’d not seen that much since my junior year in college and that was in a known snow area. There were a few places where the road had only been cleared to one lane. I got the impression I was in a tunnel without a roof. As we drove on I began to worry that her driveway would be filled in with the snow from the road plows as many driveways were. I wondered if I’d have enough room to turn the wagon around. Stasia had been totally quiet, looking straight ahead. As I approached the driveway I could see that someone had not only plowed it but had cleared a lot of the snow left from the road plows. I figured it would be a close shave but managed to do it. The only utterance from Stasia when she got out was a soft ”Bye“ and a little wave of her hand. I sat in the wagon and watched as she walked away. I had a hard time accepting the fact that less than twelve hours before she’d opened her heart and mind to me and all I got was ”Bye“.

To be continued...