FINISHING OUT THE YEAR... Barbara (Part 145c)

FINISHING OUT THE YEAR...  Barbara (Part 145c)

Solemn is the only word that fits Barbara’s description on the way in to town. I tried to make ‘small talk’ by asking just what it was that she did at work. I’m not sure I got anything for an answer. As we pulled up in front of the store I told her I’d be back to pick her up at 5pm when the store closed. She shot me a ‘look’ that told me that that news didn’t make her any happier.

Being a small town there weren’t many stores to begin with and since it was primarily a Summer destination, things got really slow after Labor Day. The store where Barbara was working was one of only three that stayed open after 1pm on Saturdays. There was only one car parked in the street when I arrived which told a story in itself. Barbara was waiting outside the door and still had that ‘I’m not happy” look about her. The ‘small talk’ hadn’t worked in the morning so I wasn’t going to waste my breath on that again. After she was settled in I didn’t put the car in gear but just sat there. She was looking straight ahead and so was I. I waited until I saw her turn her head towards me and then I started in on her.

I turned towards her and, sternly, told her to keep looking at me. I wasn’t sure she would but she surprised me. I told her I didn’t know what was bothering her but whatever it was was bothering me. I asked her what had happened to the always smiling, fun girl that she’d been when I first met her. I don’t know how long I kept that up... maybe a minute, before I stopped. I waited for some sort of response. Finally she, now looking down at the space on the seat between us, mumbled something I couldn’t understand. I told her she had to look at me again and repeat what she’d just said. It took more than a few seconds before she, in almost a whisper, stated that she was uncomfortable having me see her. I heard it that time but didn’t understand it.

It took some patience to draw the reason out of her... and it was that she was embarrassed. I asked her “About what?”. By then, I, of course, pretty much knew because Elle and I’d discussed it over lunch. However, I wanted her to give me the reason. Cruel? Yes it was but I had a purpose. What I finally got out of her was to say she didn’t want to be known as a bedwetter. At that point I took a different tack. I asked her, point blank, how many people outside of her family knew about it. She mentioned Elle, I and the kids but I told her not to count us. She thought for a while and came up with a number of four at which time I asked who they were. Then I asked how she was treated by them after they found out. Again, she thought about it and her answer was that it was pretty much the same as before they knew. Then I really surprised her and asked what she thought any one of them would say if I walked up to them and asked for their description of her. She didn’t grasp the idea so I made it pretty clear when I asked if she thought anyone would say “Oh, she’s a bedwetter!” or would they say “She’s a really good friend”. That got a bit of a smile. That loosened her up a bit and even though I knew the answer I asked what Elle had told her about herself. It caught her by surprise and I had to tell her that it was OK because there wasn’t anything that I didn’t know about her. I emphasized the “anything”.

It was obvious she was uncomfortable in describing what Elle had shared with her. After she did I told her that Elle, in spite of her incontinence, never allowed herself to dwell on it and that she considered herself to be a wife, mother, teacher, friend, tennis player and 4 H leader. As soon as I mentioned the word “incontinence” it brought a surprised look to her face and she blurted out ”Don’t you mean enuresis? That’s when I realized I’d screwed up and that Elle had only told her about her bedwetting and nothing more. Now it was me who was embarrassed.

I took a few minutes to explain what had happened to Elle to cause it but quickly went on to emphasize that, for as long as I’d known her, she’d always treated it as an annoyance and never let it define her or stop her from attempting to do things she wanted to do. Thinking back on it now, the best way to describe the look on Barbara’s face was shock. Recognizing that I needed to keep it from becoming a problem for me I took a calculated risk. I explained that I’d made a mistake and that if Elle had wanted her to know about it she would’ve told her. So, I told her that we each held a secret... I in that I knew about her ‘condition’ and she in that she knew about Elle’s incontinence. If we kept it between just the two of us there wouldn’t be a problem. I asked if she agreed with that and she nodded affirmatively. I breathed a little easier.

Back at home and in the driveway I asked if she was OK with everything we’d talked about and she, again, nodded affirmatively. As we walked up to the door I made sure she wasn’t upset in any way and that she’d go back to being a ‘happy girl“. She smiled and that was good enough for me.

Naturally, Elle wasn’t happy because supper was ready and she was waiting for us to put it on the table to go on the table. However, I recognized she was ‘treading lightly’ in that I wasn’t taking much heat for being somewhat late. I had a feeling there was something to that... and I was right. One of the mothers that helped with the 4 H program that morning invited Elle and I to her house that night. It wasn’t that I was anti social but random invites from people I don’t know never went well with me. I didn’t commit right away but it was Barbara who was the one to make it happen when she said she was a ”built in baby sitter“. It was easier to say "yes" than resist so that’s what we did. Nice people but boring... a long evening. I ‘fudged’ our leaving a bit saying we had to get home because of the baby sitter. Elle hit me in the arm once we were outside but had a smile on her face.

To be continued...